A late (or maybe early?) 1 year HRT anniversary ramble

(This was originally posted on cohost, hence the lowercase)

i just dug through a bunch of old documents to find out when i started hrt, because i thought my 1 year anniversary was coming up soon. apparently i started all the way back in may 2023!

one of the reasons i didn't think i had been on hrt for that long was that thanks to various issues with the uk healthcare system, i spent a long time stuck on a low dose of estrogen (certainly not enough for monotherapy) and no t blockers. hrt had very little effect on me during that time and i didn't get to start real full-on hrt until this january. so does that mean i've been on hrt for 7 months, 15 months, or somewhere inbetween? who knows. let's just say it's been a year so i can use it as an excuse to ramble for a bit.

back before i started hrt, i convinced myself that it wouldn't affect me much. after all, i was "too old" (mid thirties) and had too much body hair and so on. these assumptions of mine were extremely fucking wrong. this post by cassie labelle almost exactly mirrors the effects that hrt had on me so far, so give it a read if you want an idea of how hrt can affect trans women in their mid thirties.

you probably won't be surprised to hear that all of the individual mental and physical changes that came with hrt made a big difference in my life. however, the thing that shocked me the most over the last couple of months is that despite still getting dysphoria from some things (facial hair etc) i've reached the point where i actually like my body for the most part. i never thought that would happen to me, but here i am.

back before i figured out i was trans i had an unhealthy relationship with food, mostly because i couldn't figure out why i hated my body so much and i assumed that losing enough weight would fix it. it didn't. i'm on the right in this pre-transition photo, and even when i was that skinny it didn't make me hate my body any less. so it feels incredible to finally like the way that my body works. nowadays when i put on weight i get curves in all the right places, so i've completely stopped obsessing over dieting and weight loss and i'm so much happier for it. all the other physical changes, like softer skin and less body hair, are the icing on the cake.

speaking of physical changes, one of the things i had to learn recently is that barely anyone seems to get taught anything about how to get a bra that fits. it sucks for everyone, not just trans women. at least that's the excuse i'm using for not even knowing whether or not my boobs were big enough to warrant wearing a bra, right before learning that i had D cups. i guess i'll chalk that one up to being another benefit of not obsessing over weight loss anymore, along with some lucky genetics.

anyway, this might sound ridiculous to say but i never really understood how much of an effect hating my body was having on my day-to-day life until it finally stopped happening. so many little things that used to instantly sour my mood have the opposite effect nowadays, such as catching a glimpse of my reflection, deciding what clothes to wear or buy, or even just seeing the shape of my body when i look down to tie my shoelaces. i feel much more confident in how i look, which makes me want to dress better, which makes me feel even better about my looks, and so on. when i first started transitioning i couldn't imagine that i would ever have as much self-confidence as all the other wonderful trans women i see online, but i totally get it now.

i know that yet another trans woman saying that she likes being on hrt isn't exactly unexpected but i figured there's no harm in writing about it, especially if anyone reading this is on the fence about hrt for the same reasons that i was. even if you're much older than me, you're not too old for hrt to make a huge difference. in conclusion, i'm happy and i love my life.